


On the Eve of the Wedding

by anarchycox



Series: Anarchycox's 2019 Personal Writing Challenge [9]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Conversations, F/M, Post-Kingsman: The Golden Circle, Wedding Jitters, figuring out relationships, soft fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-01
Updated: 2019-03-01
Packaged: 2019-11-07 09:10:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17957717
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/anarchycox/pseuds/anarchycox
Summary: Merlin and Roxy are getting married. Roxy has last minute jitters.





	On the Eve of the Wedding

The person was good, they had made it through his first layer of security but tripped the second. Awareness of tech, but not a master. He kept reading his tablet but grabbed the gun that was attached under his night table and held it under the sheets with his free hand. He supposed he could drag himself to the panic room, but he was very comfortable. He wasn’t going to sleep that night, but at least being in bed was restful. He could hear someone moving about the flat, the sound echoing because the flat was two thirds packed up, moved to the house they would share after the honeymoon. He flicked the safety off the gun and waited. He put the book down, why bother with subterfuge. He would meet whatever was next face on.

The floorboard a pace away from the door squeaked, as it always did, but it was a soft noise, from a light foot. A foot that could never remember not to step there. “Roxy?” he called out. 

“Close your eyes?”

“They are closed,” he promised her.

“No they aren’t.”

“No, they aren’t,” he agreed and smiled. “Password, lass.” He was very certain she was alone but the right, or wrong, word here was vital.

“Peppermint.”

So she was scared, but not in danger. “My eyes are closed,” he said and put the gun on the table. He trusted her enough that his eyes were indeed closed. “But why?”

“Because you believe in all the wedding superstitions,” she said as she opened the door. He could hear her approaching the bed. Smell her. Feel her even though she wasn’t touching him.

“I am not a superstitious man,” he was a little offended.

“You are about this, I’ve noticed, even if you haven’t, and it is after midnight. No seeing the bride before the wedding.”

Silk pressed against his eyes and was knotted against the back of his head. “Well, now, this is an interesting visit,” he said and made a noise low in his throat when she settled on his lap. He put his hands on her waist. “Very interesting, indeed.” He leaned forward but she tilted away and he settled against his pillows. “Roxy what couldn’t wait until tomorrow?” When she was quiet, he tried not to say more. He could out wait any agent, but this wasn’t an agent, at least not in this moment. “Roxy?” He dropped his hands to her thighs. Rested them there. “Please, what is it?”

He felt her drop her forehead against his. “I’m scared,” she whispered.

“Of the mission in two weeks?”

“Of tomorrow.”

Merlin held his tongue, though it was hard. He squeezed her thighs. Their breath hung between them. Hers was hot, stale. His probably carried the scent of mouthwash. He ran his hands up and down her thighs brushing her knees. He liked her knees. In part because he only had one anymore. He enjoyed her symmetry. Two legs, not perfect. A scar on one calf, a burn on her thigh. She had lots of burn marks now. But was whole. 

“Merlin, do you love me?”

That had him at a loss. He felt so many things for her, to put one word on it felt wrong.

“I don’t know if I love you, not the way a bride is supposed to feel. I should be all gushy and swoony, and staring at my big poofy dress and not sleeping from excitement. I’m not sleeping because I have so many questions.”

“I admit you have raised one for me, right now,” Merlin replied.

“What are we doing?”

“No, I know what we are doing. I am just hoping that big poofy dress is a metaphor.” Merlin tried to picture her in a froofy dress and he honestly could not. And despite what many thought he had a rather impressive imagination. He had to, to think of the gadgets their office created.

“It has a crinoline,” Roxy said and her laugh was almost a sob. “And a train.”

“Why the fuck are you wearing a dress with a train, unless ye plan to strangle someone with it and hang them over a balcony?”

“Mother insisted. She said, if she was actually going to see me get married, I was doing it right.”

That explained a few things about the drunken rage Roxy had a month ago when she had her final fitting. “I thought you meant new suit for your final fitting, not a fairy cake of a dress.”

She slumped against him, and he held her close. “You wouldn’t have minded if I was in a suit?”

“Why would I mind? I’ve only seen you in dresses on missions. I know you prefer trousers.” Merlin kissed her head. “Let me guess, the 150 people at our wedding, not actually your desire either.”

“I do like our cake,” she said.

“Since when do you let yourself get steamrolled like this?” Merlin had to ask.

“They convinced me that you would want this. An old fashioned gentleman like you?” Roxy was quiet. “Fuck, I can’t believe I let them do this to me.”

“Weddings bring out the best and worst in people. But if this was just about the dress, you’d wear it with murder in your eyes.” Merlin’s hands stroked her back. He felt her spine, the lines of surgical scars. “What brought you here at this time, Roxy?”

“I don’t know if I love you,” she replied and curled into him. “Merlin, do you...are we...it isn’t big.”

“No, it isn’t,” he agreed. He laced his fingers with hers. “We barely fit. Mostly I prefer men, mostly you prefer women. But we grew to prefer each other to pretty much everyone in the world. We built from friendship and suffering in PT; we built in feeling abandoned.”

“We found each other, because no one found us.”

“Aye, we are built in pain, and sadness, and determination.” Merlin rested his chin on her head. “Roxane, my life would be poorer without you in it.”

“I feel the same. I like our talks, I like that we understand the pain we both are in and push through because the world needs us to. That you don’t flinch from my scars. You are comfort. You are where I rest.”

“That is a lovely phrase.” He brought her fingers up to his mouth and kissed them. “You asked me to marry you.”

“I did.”

“Are you worried that you will grow bored of me when you no longer need rest?” 

She sat up a little and kissed the blindfold over his eyes. “No, I am scared you will realize you should have more than the little I can give you of my heart.”

“Roxy,” Merlin reached for the blindfold but her hands stopped him. “I’m not that superstitious.”

“Liar.”

That gave him the way to explain this. “You are the only one who can tell when I lie. Not Eggsy, not your uncle, not Harry. No one in the Kingsman can tell when I lie, except for you.” He put her hand over his hand. The beat was steady. “This doesn’t go thump for you, because if it did I should go to a doctor to check it out. It races when we fuck, because we are both good in bed and have a nice rhythm together. I clench my jaw less when we are together, I’m not poised for a fight when it is just you and I. I trust you. For us, do you know what that means?”

“I trust you too,” she whispered. “But that’s not enough, is it?”

“Why not?” he countered. “I trust you to help me at my weakest, when I’m too tired to even try to put my legs on, when I wonder why the landmine didn’t kill me. Why Harry didn’t look for me. I trust you at my back, blocking the exits as we cook. I like cooking with you, we are so very horrible at it.”

“The last fire was gremlins, I am sure of it.” 

He could feel the tension leaving her body. “You are my friend, my confidant, my compatriot. We suffer together, we hurt together. We survive together. It is very nice to have someone to survive with. To survive for.”

“None of that is love.”

“I suppose not,” he said. “Roxy, would you feel better if I said I love you?”

“We never say those words.”

“No, we don’t,” Merlin replied. “Because maybe we don’t feel them. But I want a future alongside you. I want everything that we feel for however long we last. Roxy I can’t say I love you, because I honestly don’t know what that really means. What I will say is this. I am going to be there tomorrow for our ceremony. And if we are together until the day I die, or if you decide not to wear the stupid dress, and decide not to marry me and we return to colleagues, I will never for a moment regret the time I spend with you.” Merlin meant it. “I will be loyal to you, always.”

He let her go when she tugged away and left. He didn’t take off the blindfold until he heard the front door close. 

What would happen tomorrow would happen. He wished he was better with words, could have made her understand that what they had was enough, it was more than he had ever had with anyone, or expected to have with anyone. He liked what they had built, as they healed, as they figured out who they were now.

He picked up his tablet and pretended to read until he fell into a fitful sleep.

*********************************

Merlin had refused to wear a tux or evening suit. That felt wrong. He did have a suit from Kingsman though, and it fit well. He still needed a cane while wearing his legs and Harry fussed over him until he was waved away.

The room slowly filled with people, mostly family of Roxy’s, he had very few in his life. 

When she was five minutes late, no one commented - a bride takes time to get ready. When she was 15 minutes late, the crowd grew restless. But he stood there calmly, even when Harry suggested he sit, while they sort this out. She wouldn’t be later than thirty minutes and Merlin could stand for that long. Because more than thirty minutes and she wouldn’t be arriving.

At twenty eight minutes, the music began and the doors opened. Roxy’s parents came in, in the most impressive fake smiles that he had ever seen. He wondered exactly what had transpired, and debated killing them. Eggsy walked in next, a huge smile on his face and he gave them a wink before he settled in.

Roxy walked in, in her work suit. Her gaze defiant, her huge bouquet almost hiding the tremor in her hands. The noise in the seats grew at her clothes.

“Never have I seen lovelier,” Merlin whispered and Harry gave his shoulder a squeeze.

Roxy was next to him. “I’m scared,” she said just softly enough only those closest could hear.

“Oh, lass, I’m scared too.”

“I’d rather be scared beside you, than be scared alone.” She gave him a shaky smile. “Can we rest together until we aren’t scared?”

Merlin nodded and held out his hand. She gave her bouquet to Eggsy and took his hand. Her grip was deathly tight. When the man told her to repeat the promise to love, honour, and cherish, she looked at him and said, “I promise,” and nothing more. When the man cleared his throat, Merlin glared at him. 

“She said I promise. That is good enough for the law and it is good enough for me.” When it was his turn he said the same as well.

Their kiss was gentle at the end. Soft. A restful thing.   
  



End file.
